Days in the CO
by spiritgununicorn
Summary: Just a day in the life of Organization XIII in Castle Oblivion. Crappy summary, randomness inside.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Days in the CO

Rating: T

Pairings: Too many to name. They're an orgy /shot

Summary: Just a day in the life of Organization XIII in Castle Oblivion

Disclaimer: My friends and I are special and we make our own cracked out versions of how the characters act behind the camera. We wish we owned these characters, but sadly, all we can do is cosplay them.

Notes: CRACK. CRACK. AND MORE CRACK. It's nothing but a parody so don't take this too seriously. Also, the grammar is off for certain reasons. And I use italics too much. What can you do?

* * *

**Chapter One: The Virgin Clause**

Organization XIII, a manipulative organization comprised of the most lethal and annoying people in the entire universe, much less a planet. They specialize in capturing people's hearts for their own personal gains, acting like total twats in Castle Oblivion (also called Catsle Oblivion because there are a few of the maniacal species around), and just general fuckery by messing with one another's heads.

Living with 13 people at one time can get pretty hectic and ridiculous, but what can you do? They're almost _famiry_ (said lovingly with an accent and whatnot).

Still, you would think with having so many people in one household they would understand the work privacy. And not just privacy, but _fucking privacy_. It had to be in italics in order to prove a _fucking_ point. The reason you would hope they would be able to understand the concept of the word was because more than half the time, some of the members were screwing each other. Literally fucking somewhere within the walls, maybe on the walls, or through the walls-you get where I'm going with this-but _no_, of fucking course they wouldn't know what that word meant.

Which was the reason Roxas was pretty much fucking _livid_ to see one of the stunningly painted blue walls of his room blasted open to reveal a gigantic, gaping hole, the size of an elephant. What is fucking privacy and how does one get such a thing? Because in Catsle Oblivion, no one fucking has it, especially not this little guy.

"THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" He didn't even have to yell the name to know who it was. Vexen, the Organization's fantastically nutty scientist on the team, had just been the psycho to blow a hole into his fucking room. And he could bet it was for no good reason at all.

Not to mention, he wasn't alone. There were several people behind him.

Xemnas, or Mansex as they so affectionately called him these days, was leaning against part of the wall, on the left side of Vexen. He was surprised to see Roxas, like this wasn't his fucking room that just got blasted, and there weren't chunks of debris that was strewn about. Like he expected to run into the kitchen for a quick snack or some shit. That fatass.

Behind Xemnas-looking like he was humping the bastard more than anything else-was Saix. He was some number that was way down the line, but was pretty much taking it up the butt from superior anyway, and he grinned as he looked over his shoulder, seeing Roxas with a small salute.

That fucking smile was always creepy. Too friggin' creepy at that.

Next to butt munch-I mean Saix- was Marluxia. He looked like he was ready to _devour_ Roxas, seeing as the poor boy was tousled from a nap, and his shirt was riding up. It was no surprise that Marly was ready to get with everyone and anyone inside of the castle, seeing it was his fucking property apparently, and grabbed more asses than a pants could dress them. He also brought pets into the castle, most of them cats, which was why the place was called Catsle Oblivion.

Not that you would ever see these cats in the games, I mean really. How would that look? He actually shoved them all into Vexen's lab at that period of time. But then the castle blew up and it was raining kittens. Oops breaking the fourth wall. Back to the story!

"AGAIN I ASK THE FUCK DO YOU PEOPLE THINK YOU'RE DOING?" It was really too goddamn early in the morning/afternoon/whateverthefucktime it was. Roxas wanted to get some more sleep in, seeing as Axel had stayed over in the room, and not let him sleep a wink. And it was not because they were doing anything, really, they were just up all night talking, no for fucks sake, that's all they were doing!

But of course his fellow orgy members didn't believe him, no matter how much he told them the truth. That fuck Axel didn't help either.

"We heard some strange noises and thought we should investigate. For science, you know."

"You blew my fucking wall in for science?" Roxas grabbed the nearest thing, which was a half naked Axel, and tried to fling him at Vexen. Instead, he was able to get Axel off his bed (and he's still knocked out) and tumblr along with him, landing right on top of him. Roxas had the blush the color of cherry red, which only made Marluxia and Vexen take a few pictures.

For science of course. The fuckers.

Roxas got up, summoning his key blade and the two photographers took off screaming, "AXEL'S TOOK ROXAS' VIRGINITY. EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT! THE TSUN-TSUN BRAT ISN'T A VIRGIN ANYMORE!"

Saix was cackling, even though he's the real whore of Orgy XIII, seeing as he slept with about 50 other people in different worlds, some of which, he couldn't even remember their faces. Roxas' face paled, imagining that everyone was going to compare them now, just because there was the rummor floating about. He hated living with 13 fucktards, but what could he do? Running away? Not an option, Axel was one clingy bitch. Maybe one day. Just not soon.

Swinging his key blade, he tried to scoot the couple of the superior and his fucktoy out of his ruined room, and when they finally left, they were screaming even more obscene things like, " ROXAS TAKES IT! AXEL GIVES IT! OOH GIVE IT TO ME BABY! I LIKE THE WAY IT BURNS!"

The small blonde vowed to get them all in their sleep. Slitting their throats, pranks, whatever was necessary. Maybe he should wake up the fire crotch and see if he could do something. It was his fault anyway.

Now everyone believed he wasn't a fucking virgin.

But he is, he really fucking _is._

"Hey Roxy, you up for round three?"

Or _not._

* * *

Next up: Saix's turn. He's such a ho. |8


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Day in the life of Orgy XIII

Rating: T

Pairings: Too many to name. They're an orgy /shot

Summary: Just a day in the life of Organization XIII in Castle Oblivion

Disclaimer: My friends and I are special and we make our own cracked out versions of how the characters act behind the camera. We wish we owned these characters, but sadly, all we can do is cosplay them.

Notes: CRACK. CRACK. AND MORE CRACK. It's nothing but a parody so don't take this too seriously. Also, the grammar is off for certain reasons. I try to make some funnies even though I am really bad at that, but can you blame me? It's just some crack.

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Chapter Two: Ho Ho Ho, You're Saix

There were three things that were certain in Castle Oblivion: Those living inside of it were nobodies, they lived to fight another day (mainly fighting each other in the kitchen), and Saix was a full blown whore of the century. Seriously, you looked through the yellow pages, and every woman or man whose name you saw might have slept with him. If they remembered his name, some just remembered his scar or hair color, and well…close enough.

Now, he prided himself on being a whore. Yes, he really does pride himself on being a harlot. He swore for the first few weeks after being bottom bitch to Mansex-I mean Xemnas-he wrote the book of Kama Sutra and made sex look like an art form. The pink haired male that owned the place looked at him like he was an idiot, pulled out his own copy, and slapped him with it saying something along the lines of do not lie in my house.

Marluxia was strange when it came to intercourse. He was interested, but not at the same time, and Saix tried to get him, but the whole thing was futile. After all, pinkie pie wasn't the one to be chased, seeing as he did the chasing, and his forbidden fruit was more along the lines of short, cute, and cuddly (Roxas) or absolutely conniving, slightly creepy, and wild (Vexen and Xaldin.) Saix be damned if he understood the attraction to any of them. Marluxia was just a damned creeper at times, that's how it was.

In any case, Saix was a ho and that's just how he liked it. It wasn't a big thing for those outside of the castle, but there were young and impressionable souls residing in it (Xion and Roxas) and neither one of those impressionable souls wanted anything to do with him. So, logically every time he came around, they tried to get away from the smartass and possibly not see him the entire day. But today of all days, they were caught.

And Axel was with him, and Saix really liked the fire crotch for some odd reason that they couldn't quite place. And because of it, the two younger ones booked it while throwing the gangly redhead at the harlot like it was some sort of sporting event that was being timed. There was even a little dust cloud where they had left their places.

"You bastards!" The sound of clicking noises were the answer to Axel's plight. His friends abandoned him, probably listening from one of the numerous rooms in the castle and Saix was looking at his ass like a lecher. Now, everyone in the castle can fight of course, it's something they are practically proud of because they are so strong and whatnot. However, when someone's looking at your ass like a piece of meat that is about to be devoured: you run like the fucking wind bulls eye!

Axel high-tailed it down the corridor with a lustful whore running after him and probably snarling too. They made it to the common room in which the red-head had to pause and realize that yes, there were two people lazing about on the couch knowing damn well that someone was chasing him. "Think you can give me some help?" He pleased to both Demyx and Xigbar attentively staring at the game of Parcheesi they had in front of them and promptly trying to ignore him. Kicking the pieces towards every single direction the pair of nobodies were about to attack him until they noticed that Saix made his way to the room.

It was every man for himself and the three of them ran out through another door. Unfortunately, the door led them into a closet in which they locked themselves inside. Saix could be heard pounding at the door and yelling something about work when they knew there was nothing else for them to do today. Luckily the pounding stopped when they pressed their ears to the door and heard the deep vibrato of the Superior. Grinning to each other the three of them tried to push the door open to no avail. The idiots had locked themselves inside!

As they continued to yell at someone to help them out, Saix walked to a room with the Superior to have their own little fun time. Roxas and Xion bolted out of the room they were in, clearly next door to the couple who were making more noises than a gorilla in heat, and helped out the three dummies in the closet. As soon as they got them out of there a song played in the distance from Marluxia's room which was appropriately named "Trapped In The Closet."

He said he played it to drown out the screams that were going to give everyone nightmares.

Which they really did.

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Extra Notes: I forget who is supposed to be next but we'll just pick a random member anyway! As long as I don't repeat any of them, we should be in the clear!


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Day in the life of Orgy XIII

Rating: T

Pairings: Too many to name. They're an orgy /shot

Summary: Just a day in the life of Organization XIII in Castle Oblivion

Disclaimer: My friends and I are special and we make our own cracked out versions of how the characters act behind the camera. We wish we owned these characters, but sadly, all we can do is cosplay them.

Notes: CRACK. CRACK. AND MORE CRACK. It's nothing but a parody so don't take this too seriously. Also, the grammar is off for certain reasons. And I use italics too much. What can you do?

Extra Notes: I am surprised anyone would read this. Happy Holidays.

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Chapter Three: It's Christmas!

So, normal Christmas shenanigans involve some type of gift giving from person to person. Within a household that encompasses thirteen imbeciles, that isn't all that difficult, especially since these thirteen imbeciles are quite skilled at obtaining munny. Some might play a few tunes (Demyx), others might sell some flowers (Marluxia), and then there are those who would either strip or scandalously give kisses for money (Axel.)

Yes, the Christmas season is something to definitely be proud of with people like this living under the same roof and all gazing at the same tree, which has spectacularly bright lights that made you feel a slight high along with an extensive amount of sugar from a soda-that-shall-not-be-named. Yes, incredibly proud.

And so once Christmas finally rolls around, the members of Organization XIII come together collectively to bask in the glow of the tree, drink eggnog to their hearts (aha!) content, and give each other gifts that are either really ugly, pretty awesome, or so stupid that the gift receiver will blow chunks and try to kill the gift giver.

Funny, that last one always happens at some point or other.

And of course it's always the same two people. You would think after two consecutive times that Axel had given Roxas the same gift-a big pink dildo-that he would learn his lesson. However, no, he would never learn his lesson because apparently he liked being chased by blond midgets who swung their key blades around all willy-nilly and the like. Yes, I'm pretty sure Axel is a masochist; who is the one that wear the pants in that relationship anyway?

Either way, the Superior alongside the others had taken to betting on what Axel's present was going to be for Christmas prior to him handing it over to the chosen one. Mansex-I mean Xemnas-tallied up the score and almost everyone except for Demyx and Larxene thought he was going to give him the same gift as he always did. And they were right.

Demyx and Larxene ended up voting for chimichangas (Demyx) and Twinkies (Larxene). Why they did that? They were hungry and Marluxia was still cooking the turkey.

"Axel…" Roxas said, a hint of anger in his voice. The fire crotch grinned as his friend/boyfriend/screwing-buddy/whatevernametheygaveeachothe r-maybefuufuucuddlypoops opened his present.

"Yes?" The redhead said sweetly, one foot poised to run as he was half laying, half leaving the couch where he was supposed to be sitting on.

"Run."

"With pleasure."

And so the hunt began. Saix and Xemnas began taking gil from Larxene and Demyx who were screeching about the fact that Marluxia needed to hurry his ass with the food because they were starving and were about to die. Xigbar and Luxord were casually sitting at a table taking shots of spiked eggnog and daring each other to either retrieve Axel or stop Roxas.

Fun fact: Neither of them could move and inch from their chairs before falling flat on their asses, and when they both decided to go and get them, that is exactly what they did. Lexeaus was about to pick up the two drunk men while wearing his ghastly Christmas sweater (hand-knit by Zexion-I mean really the thing is just hideous), but he stopped once both the red head and blond came back inside.

Xion had been sitting innocently at the tree, her eyes opened wide in wonder as she stared into Oblivion at the tree. The blue lights burning into her retinas so that every time she blinked she would see the little lights sparkle or twinkle in her vision. Once she finally did move form her spot however, she was singing some odd Christmas tune in which Luxord and Xigbar managed to sing along with her from their spot on the floor. (Face down mind you.)

Axel ran back into the room, panting heavily like he had just run a marathon-which he probably did with Roxas chasing after him unless they did stuff but they were gone for like five minutes-and ran behind Xemnas.

"I am not shielding you."

"Oh come on Superior Crotch he's gonna kill me!"

"Your boyfriend, your problem." And then he moved as soon as he finished his sentence. Saix pulled Xemnas away but not without giving a squeeze to Axel's tush and chuckling darkly. The two of them left the room in order to go check Marluxia's progress.

Axel groaned as Roxas came towards him, but ducked behind the couch just as the blond flew on top of it. He ended up hitting Xaldin right in the crotch with his head, and both of them glared at one another, before Money Man picked up the troublemaker by his hair.

"Whoa whoa! You can't damage him!" Xaldin snarled and threw the poor boy at the redhead and the duo fell down to the floor. Once Roxas realized he once again had gained a hold of the redhead idiot, he didn't do much pile a flurry of smacks onto his head.

"Stupid present. Stupid Axel. I TOLD YOU NOT TO GIVE ME THIS!" He kept on hitting him repeatedly until Xion stopped to look at the tree and at her two best friends before getting up and walking to Roxas. She pulled the boy off of his lover and dragged him to the tree and he waved his arms wildly. "Noooooooo! Lemme go!" He cried, but she wouldn't let go of him. Once they both sat at the tree, he made him look at the lights and his arms went slack.

Both of them sat cross legged in front of it, staring at it with wonder before Xion started singing again. The lyrics were unknown but there was just one phrase that was audible.

"Y'all got a gay, hey hey hey…" Roxas joined in and Axel figured what the hell why not sit with them. As he sat next to Roxas, the three of them sang together until Marluxia FINALLY finished the grub.


End file.
